BreathlessDownloadable Video - 2012
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Listen, I'm in a hell of a bind here. I got more problems than I could deal with on my own.
It's a fine day today, folks. It's 1931 -- since our great state of Texas declared its independence. And, boy, I got some Texas tunes to play for you today. This is 97.9 Country, coming at you like a rattlesnake.
For heaven's sake, whatever's happened to Dale?
-Dale's fine. I just knocked him over the head with Mama's cast-iron skillet- nothing a bag of ice can't take care of.
Jesus, Lorna. What did you go and do that for?
-I was just trying to have a polite conversation between two married individuals, but you know Dale. You can't have a civil debate with the man without things turning ugly.
Well, Dale was never one for polite conversation, that's for damn sure.
-Forget about Dale. I got more pressing matters on my plate than his bruised head.
I believe in stories - probably why I get myself into so much trouble.
$100,000, all cash.
-I didn't think there was that kind of money in the whole state of Texas, never mind a bank in Red County.
Them light cigarettes you smoke will kill you just the same, only slower.
-Don't hound me for trying to buy a little bit of extra time on this earth in case something worthwhile comes up.
Lorna, just because a man held up a convenience store a couple of times in his more wild and woolly days don't mean he's a bank robber.
I figured I'd rather split that money with a good friend than let that thieving dog of a husband get away with it.
-I ain't gonna sit here and disagree with that.
You know why they call it Red County?
On account of the iron ore in the soil, makes all the dirt red down there.
-Lorna, now he could have picked up that dirt from anywhere.
Tiny, the soles of them boots are redder than an Indian'-s face in the sun. That is Red County soil, that's for damn sure. And Dale's got no business in Red County, not to mention that I only got me one good pair of hose, and they're nowhere to be found. He went and took his wife's own hose. Can you believe the nerves of that man? He probably expects I was never gonna find out. God, if dumb was dirt, Dale would cover about an acre.
You get me out of here right this minute, or I swear I will kick in every single one of your teeth one at a time, Lorna.
-No need to get confrontational now, Dale. I need you to talk and I need you to be composed.
I will give you composed.
What the hell is she doing here?
-I needed a friend. When you find out that the man that you love is nothing but a rattling snake, sometimes a friend is all you got.
You even went and robbed Ophenius Dunn's feed warehouse, Dale. That was Mama's second husband. Did you think he wasn't gonna identify you?
-Well, I did not expect his identification of me on account he wears trifocals.
God damn you, Dale. You promised me. You looked me straight in the eye and you gave me your word you were done with your criminal ways.
-I am. That's a fact. I ain't in the business of getting in trouble no more. I'm straight as a duck with two good wings.
We are talking about a lot of money here, Tiny.
- Right. And Dale here is one hell of a pertinacious individual.
Come on now. He's gonna need a lot of coaxing to get that information out of him.
- Lorna, I guess he is your husband. You go ahead and shoot him. It ain't none of my business.
Where in hell did you get a peashooter like that?
-I got it where I get all the things you're trying to hide from me -- underneath the floorboard in the bathroom.
I've never seen that before in my life.
What would you base that statement on?
-On the fact that you never tell nothing but lies. You was lying before you learned how to talk. Nothing but the pure gospel truth ever passed these lips. So you're telling me that you don't know nothing about no robbery.
I know nothing about the robbery.
-And you ain't never seen this gun before?
-For crying out loud, where are my nerve tablets? … What are you looking at?
You got your mama's legs.
-Mama's got real pretty legs.
They're long and white like Milkybars. Mm, I always did want to bed your mama.
- God damn you, Dale.
I'm an honest man.
No need to turn belligerent now.
- You ready to talk like civilized folks?
You know me -- nothing but civilized.
Damn it, Dale, why the hell did you go and do that for?
- It's in my blood. I can't seem to stay away from institutions that contain any significant amount of legal tender.
I just figured a woman didn't need to trouble her pretty little head with financial matters. And I-- I-- I was working on it. That's a man's job anyway. You just let good old Dale take care of the details, and it will all work out just dandy.
- Nothing ever works out just dandy when you're concerned, Dale.
I admit the whims of fate have plotted against me in the past, but I sense the winds of good fortune are finally blowing my merry way.
- To hell with your winds, Dale. All I care about is that money.
If there is one thing I learned from being married to you for 17 years, it's that I know you like the back of my hand.
Who would be foolish enough to leave the stolen money right here in his own domicile?
- It's not here, I swear to God and all the angels.
What did I tell you, Tiny? I married a lying, cheating-Shit.
We got a whole new life to look forward to. I am not gonna spend it in a goddamn cell, I can promise you that.
Them Texas bugs done got to them.
- No kidding.
Oh, yeah. Them Texas bugs can eat right through a metal can if there's something tasty to get inside at. They got jaws like lawn mowers. They just up and left nothing behind.
- I never knew bugs could do that.
Such is the wonderments of nature, Tiny.
I swear to God, if you have got the slightest shine for your life, I suggest you tell me where that money is, as I will not be responsible for my ensuing ways.
I never graduated high school or nothing. Just give me a moment to think.
I'm gonna call the police.
- Are you out of your mind?
It was an accident. The gun just went off.
- Tiny, we are in Texas. There are no accidents. There's alive and there's dead.
You didn't mean to kill him.
- Who's gonna believe that? We got a dead man tied to a chair and $100,000 missing. We're gonna look real good in court explaining that story.
We? What do you mean, we? I didn't kill nobody.
- You think they'd care to split that hair? You was here when it happened, and that's all they need to know to lock us both away for a real long time.
Well, you think it was self-defense of some kind?
- Well, I ain't no officer of the law or nothing, but we got a man tied to a chair. He don't seem to pose no immediate threat, now do he?
I mean, it's a big stretch of desert out there. Full of all types of carnivorous critters. Right. Earth to earth, dust to dust and all that.
$100.000. I can't even imagine what that might look like.
- Yeah, it's more money than this town has ever seen, that's for damn sure.
You ever think about what you'd do with that kind of money?
- I'd get the hell out of this place, for one.
Anyplace you ever thought about going?
- I never really thought about it.
I guess I figured I'd never really get out of here. Getting out of this town is all I ever think about.
I told you it was just a matter of time before they suspected I was married to a bona fide fool.
Did you perchance hear about that holdup down in Red County?
- Mm, the great robbery?
- It's all over the news.
First thing that came to mind when I heard about it was paying Dale here a visit -- you know, with his flagrant predisposition for thievery.
- You're barking up the wrong tree, Sheriff. Dale has long abandoned his criminal ways for the gratifying world of modular cabinet sales.
We're having a bit of a girls' day. Don't want to spoil it by dwelling on Dale's past delinquent transgressions.
- This won't take long. I'll just have myself a glass of lemonade, take a little peek around.
Sheriff Cooley, if there's nothing I learned from Dale's past scrapes with the law, it's that you need yourself some kind of exigent circumstance to come into my premises without a warrant. And as far as I can tell, I don't see none.
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