MotherDVD - 2000
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Good guess. Try the other one.
♪ And here's to you, Mrs. Henderson ♪
♪ Your grown son is moving back today ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ God help him, please,
♪ And here's to you, Mrs. Henderson ♪
♪ He looks to you to help him with his life ♪
♪ He lost a wife ♪
♪ He'd like for you to welcome him ♪
♪ And make him feel at home ♪
I'm going to move back in with Mother.
-No, you're not.
I can tell by the gross weight I'm not going to like it. I like my cheeses in the ounces. When they weigh as much as a Fiat, I get worried.
Well, I can't help that, Mother. I can't help who I am. What am I supposed to do?
-Of course not, dear. I know that. I'm just saying it's interesting how someone has good luck and someone has bad luck.
Mother, I don't look at my life as good luck and bad luck, you know? I'm on a quest. We're different people.
Your father always said, “Never look back. They might be gaining on you.“
-I think it was Satchel Paige who said that.
You make someone with a head that big, but he's stupider than everyone else.
-I was just trying to be different. Why can't a guy have a big head and still be stupid?
Why is his head that big, then?
-Well, part of it's empty.
Honey, no God's going to create a head that big with nothing in it.
-What about the dinosaurs?
Their heads were full. They just had small heads.
So tell me something-where did you learn all about this stuff?
-Did you think I was born yesterday? You know, every child thinks their mother just came to life when they were born.
Well, you know, dear, in those days a woman didn't have a career. You know, she just...
-raised children who she hated for ruining her life and killing her chances at doing the one thing she loved.
We talk like 2 writers. One blocked and insecure, one stifled and angry.
-Which one am I, dear? I forget.
Now I think we should graduate and go onto something far more embarrassing. There's a nude beach nearby, but it's not very nice out.
-That's... a joke?
You think I'd go to a nude beach?
-Very good, Mother.
You ought to examine yourself that you could even make a joke like that.
-Well, you ought to examine yourself that you take it so seriously.
Dear, we're not intimate. We just have sex occasionally.
Marvel that I can get all of my fat under my clothes?
-No, I haven't heard that one. How do you do that?
“The room was dark except for the slash of light
that peeked through the curtains.
Irene dreaded going home.
The darkness of the house
equaled the darkness of her marriage.”
Did you write all that stuff?
-No. A little elf wrote it.
People are just curious why a grown man and his mother would be in an underwear store.
-Who cares if they're curious? What difference does it make? You see what's going on? You want their approval, I want your approval. It's all about approval. We have an approval problem in this family.
Mother, we need time alone.
Look, I don't want to upset your life. You do what you want to do.
-You don't want to upset my life? I thought that was part of the experiment.
It's almost like you're not going to live unless your mother comes here.
-I like to be with my mother. Is there something wrong with that? I mean, just because I get along with mine. Oh, go to hell.
-I'm tired of this, and there's a big difference between getting along with and not being able to live without.
What does that mean?
-It means you're a mama's boy.
You know, if you talk to the women the way you talk to me sometimes, I can see why they all leave you.
-They didn't all leave me. I left some of them.
Your mother does a lot of things you don't know.
-Well, that's why I'm here. Tell me everything.
You came here to find out what I do? I thought you came here because of the problems with the women.
-The problems with the women, to find out what you do-the whole thing.
I don't mean anything by it. It's just something a mother does.
-I don't know that every mother does that. I don't think every mother says, “Honey, you look good, but your hair is thinning.“
For my whole life, I've never been able to deal with these food questions. You ask me if I'm hungry, I tell you yes, you bring me food. You ask me if I'm hungry, I tell you no, you bring me food. You ask me the questions, but you don't listen to the answers, so I know I'm going to get food no matter what I tell you. Therefore, I adjust how hungry I tell you I am to know how much food
I'm going to get. From now on, just bring what you want. Really. I'll eat what you bring me, or I won't eat what you bring me. It doesn't matter. Bring it anyway, and that's the end of the food deal.
-Honey, I never knew it was this much of a problem.
I don't think you know your mother any better than he does. You just cling more.
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